Thursday, 19 March 2009

Being Mom

Mommy...the word itself conjures up so much emotion, everyone of us has had or has a Mom, possibly even are a Mom, planning on being or simply just enjoying the gift of life our Moms gave to us.  Its that time here in the UK when we remember our Mommy's. For some it might be mothers not with us anymore so it might be a time of sadness, it could be a time of forgiveness or even anger.  For some it could be their fist Mothering Sunday as a Mommy themselves.  What ever your situation the word 'Mother' is a powerful word capable of stirring up immense feelings.  So as I wrap up my Mothers Day gifts and bake my Mom a cake I mull over the meaning of the world 'Mother' and all it means to me...
I have two Mommies and I am a Mommy to two fabulous (if not a little cheeky) children.  I am adopted, I have previously mentioned this before, usually around Mothering Sunday and my Birthday.  I am a lucky girl, I was adopted as a little baby.  However the emotions that I have carried around with me all my life have had a big impact on who I am and how I do things. Before I had my own children I was deeply sad about the fact that I was an unwanted child, I was angry and felt rejected and somewhat lost in life.  I am ashamed to say I took this out sometimes on my adopted Mommy, I always felt I was second choice, second best, better than nothing.  I went through my life seeking approval, it seemed important to be part of a group BUT somehow I never fitted in.
If I thought I would get rejected I would run away before someone had a chance to hurt me, I could not face the familiar feeling of rejection.  It sounds depressing and all rather pathetic. It changed, so completely when I became pregnant with my own child, as I felt my own baby move within me, a life I had created and I wanted with all my heart, a child no matter what, I could never give up.  It made me realise a very important fact...My birth Mommy gave me the greatest gift of all, she gave me my life, she set me free and placed me in the arms of a family that raised me and loved me, kept me warm, healthy and taught me to be a good person.  The anger turned into compassion and love, I no longer wanted or needed to do everything on my own I actually wanted to find this person and tell them how thankful I was for the the precious gift they selflessly gave to me.
As for my adopted Mom, my Mom, well we are not all perfect and we all do things differently, and the roles are starting to turn around now, its my turn to look after my Mom. We mother very differently, my Mom often disagrees with my ways and is not afraid to say so. I know she says all this out of love,  I am a little too kooky for her, a little too involved in my community and I am a little too affectionate for her to be completely comfortable around me. However when I remind her she raised me, she is who I learnt from, how she would sit in the evening and brush my hair for hours, she smiles at me, its a special smile a smile between a mother and a daughter who despite the fact that we do not share the same blood, we have a bond that ties us together. A life time of history between us.
Once I took all these facts on board, I realised that who I was and what I did was not the result of my past but a learning curve that will probably never stop. When I look at my children and think of how I mother, I too smile, I think life and its gifts are amazing. My children ground me, they love me without question, there is a look in their eyes a special something that tells me without doubt that they love me, they accept me for who I am, faults and failings included, a look that I have never seen in any ones eyes before.  It amazes me, it takes my breath away and I know these little people are MY CHILDREN.
So now I accept who I am, I do not feel a need to be involved or accepted, especially if it means I have to compromise on being 'me', I don't really care if I am a little kooky, a little different, because that is who I am.  I am a creative soul, I believe in what we put into our lives is what we get out of them, and this is the best thing I feel I can teach my children as a Mother.  Yes the rejection theory still stays me.  I know its an adoptive thing and it will  stay with me till my grave, but I do not run away now, I try not let it stop me in my life.  I have a beautiful family, I have two Mommies, I am loved.  Yes being a Mom conjures up so many emotions and I thank my Mommies with all my heart for all they have done for me.  As for my Mom I just want to say (even though she does not read my blog)  I LOVE YOU thank you for picking me............................................... So if you can make a Mom feel better this weekend, go right ahead and do it, you might be surprised how good it makes you feel.

Thank you for all the thoughtful birthday comments and emails, the children and I read each and every one of them and I thank you from my heart.  We had a beautiful fun filled few days with many happy memories, especially time shared on the beach.  (see last photograph). Thank you


April said...

what a lovely post. Being a Mum is certainly the best thing that ever happened to me

April xx

Kitty said...

I think you'll find that many of us recognise ourselves in your blog post of today. I for one have also known that 'I'm a little kooky' feeling. The one that we are not one of the 'in crowd', that we are different. It takes a long time to embrace that rather than try to pretend it's not there.

Becoming a mother changed my life. I can't see how it could do anything other than that for any woman.

I hope you enjoy your Mother's Day weekend.


julia said...

What a beautiful post Sue, it sums up motherhood perfectly, wonderfully written as usual.
Julia xx

deezie said...

That post just made me cry. You are a wonderful writer. Your momma is lucky to have you. I am a mom too, I have two beautiful little girls who I adore. I lost my own momma last year, she is in heaven now. I will miss her forever. Enjoy your momma while you have her here.
Happy day to you

MelMel said...

Hello hunni...lovely to hear from you!

EWaht a lovely post....very fitting for this weekend when so may of us have Mum's to be thankful for.....xx

driftwood said...

hope you have a lovely mothers day with your boys.xx

Jane said...

Happy Mothers Day on Sunday and I loved the way you put it about being a Mum. I love being a Mum too. Jane x

Miss sew n sew said...

What a beautiful post so well written, touching and emotional so glad that you are happy Suzie hope you have a wonderful mothers day!

wonderwoman said...

such a lovely post - its such a wonderful thing to be a mum - not always plain sailing tho but precious none the less.
happy mothers day to you - hope you are having a lovely day.


Lucy Locket-Pocket said...

I've always been aware that I'm a little "different" to other people! And I'm trying to bring my children up to realise that "different" is good - everyone being the same is just boring!

Hope you are having a lovely Mother's Day!

Lucy x

P.S. I'm not sure where in the UK you are based but it would be lovely to see you if you could make it along to the Bloggy meet up in the Easter Hols. x

Tracy said...

Happy Mum's Day, Suzie! This is a most beautiful, sensitive, heartwarming post. Your joy of motherhood is a gift. And that you share that gift here is a treat for us all. :o) Sadly, I am not a mum, though I wish I could be. Long story there. But I am mum to a sweet cat, a happy wife and devoted daughter, daugther and friend. The need to love and nurture flows no matter our situation. I admire your sense of coming home to yourself and accpeting you as you are. Feeling comfortable in our own skin changes our life. :o) Hope you & your are having the loveliest weekend! ((HUGS))

Lazylol said...

What a touching post Suzie.
Happy Mothers Day x

Gina said...

Happy Mother's Day Suzie. I hope you've had a wonderful day.

Debbies-English-Treasures said...

What a wonderful written post!
I loved reading every sentence!
Thanks for sharing your feelings with us all!
Debbie Moss

this is my patch said...

I hope you had a lovely Mother's Day Suzie. My mum would openly admit she had little maternal instinct, but had no regrets in having my brother and I, she couldn't imagine life without us. She was good at being a mum, and gave herself little credit. My mum was my best friend. x

Caroline said...

Hi You,
hope you had a great one! Can you imagine what a fab Mother's day I had as it was also my wee baby's 2nd birthday ? Mother's Day and a baby birthday all on one day - how good is that?!

EmileeHopeBinkleyTurner said...

I ran across your blog while looking through some sewing blogs online and was caught by your wonderful post. I am dealing with issues of infertility at this moment in my life and struggling with what is the answer. I have always wanted to be a mom and know that I will be one someday, but how and when I will get there is all a question mark at this point. So I just wanted to say thanks for writing such an honest post about your take on motherhood. I hope that someday my own child, whenever and however God finally provides me with the blessed event of being a mother, will be able to see how loved and wanted they are-especially if they are a bit different then everyone else, because that is exactly who they are supposed to be!

jellybelly*jellybrain said...

Check out Nikki's post about doing something for adoptive mums here :

sa said...