Monday, 30 April 2007

All over the place...

ALL over the place, both mentally and physically, I am unable to concentrate on one thing before my mind hops on to the next, I feel I need a good tidy up, so bare with me... I want to thank you (and I will do personally by email) for all of your support over the sad loss of my cousin. I had such a busy couple of days I told myself I was just going to get on with it. I think this had an impact on me in a way I did not expect as I ended up ill on Sunday and spent most of the day in bed, I could not even face picking up my knitting. I slept a lot and spent a lot of time thinking of my cousins direct family, her husband, sister and Mother who were all there at her parting. It brought back a lot of pain about my Dads death and from what I have been told those final moments were both very similar, my heart truly goes out to them. A braver women you could not hope to meet, to fight with such dedication and zest for life. With that heavy guilt feeling we carry on, how strange it is that you get up and do the things you always do when such sadness is all around. I know this is an inbuilt thing so that we cope and keep going. So I shall carry on with my witter, I had a special moment last week, I actually took time out just for me in my garden, the day before I had done a lot of gardening and I enjoyed the rewards, the sun was shining, the children were out and instead of running around doing house work, I sat in my favourite corner of the garden, plugged my ipod in my ears, made a pot of tea and sat for and hour (or so) and finished my older ones tank top. Oh it was bliss. Before I knew it it was time to throw down the knitting and do the nursery run, but that moment was very special.
Baking, I have baked cakes until they came out my ears, Friday was a none stop day. Fridays are always a little busy but this one was especially full. I went to lunch at a friends, I stayed later than I should so I missed my 'baking time' in the afternoon, I did the school run then had an hour between Drama class for my oldest, I ended up at a neighbours whilst our children jumped all their energy away on their HUGE trampoline. Again missed another baking window. So once I had finally got all the children home, settled playing in the garden, I put on the apron and stayed in the kitchen till nearly 10.00pm. Why, well Saturday was my patchwork class followed by the school PTA quiz night, as I am on the committee I had promised to bake in the hope of raising some more money. So trays of cakes later and very gooey chocolate cake...well I was worn out to say the least, I also managed to cook a roast dinner, including Yorkshire pudding for the family.
So I curled up in bed and actually slept well, so Saturday, I went on my patchwork course, we did two blocks this week, I am only showing you the heart at the moment, quite apt I thought. We worked on 'curves' and I have to say I found it hard, but I did manage to achieve the end result, I will get the other block photographed then you will realise just how many curves we did!
I love this day, I will be sad when the course is finished, the whole thing is great, including the drive over to the place. I do live in quite an outstanding place of beauty, full of history and the grit of time gone by. On the way back I actually stoped my car and took a few pictures, they do not really show its beauty and impressive size but it gives you an idea...I have watched the seasons as I drive through these hills and moor land, from Autumn, to snowy winter, grey wet rain and incredibly thick fog (not a trip I enjoyed) and now to the freshness of spring. I listen to the radio, with no children to distract me and take in the views. Its a great time, although a little nervous when I realised a man in a car had pulled up behind me, I made a quick retreat...
On arrival at home I unloaded my sewing machine and fabric goodies and got the kids in the car ( I am always welcomed by such love, lots of kisses and cuddles) get the baking and off we went to quiz night, it went on till 9.oopm and the children all got past their best, My table won the general knowledge round, yippee...it was through no help from me I can assure you. My poor little boy was so tired he lost his co-ordination and fell about four foot onto his head, my heart went out to him, so he spent the night curled up in my bed, so peaceful in his sleep. Yesterday he came in to wake me before he went to bed and we spent a lovely half hour chatting and giggling, kids laughter is truly the best tonic on this planet.

6 comments:

Barbara said...

I'd like to come to tea and sample those cakes but would love that drive through the scenery. Sorry you were unwell but you obviously have recovered looking at your post.

Jo said...

I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you find comfort in doing the small, ordinary things like baking,knitting and the odd moment of peace.

pommie said...

Sorry you were poorly Suz. Thinking of you lots - hang in there.
Lots of love and hugs
p.s were those the glorious views hiding behing the fog when we were over!!:P
p.p.s don't suppose a box of those yummy looking cakes would get through customs would it!!?!:)

sarah said...

Cupcakes are like little mounds of happiness, aren't they?! I'm glad you are feeling better now! You need to take more solitary garden moments for yourself, you deserve it!

Natasha said...

Oh I am so sorry for your loss. Glad to hear you are feeling better-I love the cake therapy!

Take time for you this week~

julia said...

Well somehow I manged to put the comment for you on my blog, just to confuse everybody!
So sorry to hear about your cousin, take time out for yourself, it helps. We all seem to think that we have to soldier on no matter what but sometimes you need to take stock and do nothing.
Julia