December December full of Christmas Cheer

The moon is full and there is a nip in the air that can't be ignored. The wonderful smell of wood smoke fills the senses as all the fires start to be lit. The first of December is near.Busy little fingers are making, baking, sewing, knitting and getting busy with a hook, my days play along to the hum of my sewing machine. Yes its that time when this Mommy gets too busy to blog as I am so busy making for the big day. Wanted to pop in and say hello and wish you a Happy December. A lot is going on in the Suzie Sews household, some good and some not so good, but presents and decorations are busy underway, my calender is filling up by the hour, school concerts, appointments and all things BUSY!!! Its the time of year when the house comes alive, people popping in to say hello and being warmed by a glass of mulled wine.

The school fair has been and gone is a flurry of baking a few dozen cakes, its the first time of not being able to help on the day. I have to admit it was nice to go along and support the event with my children, especially meeting Santa.

By the end of each day, the children are asleep, I have plans to settle in my sewing room or stand over my stove to make some more tasty money saving treats...somehow though I only seem to manage to curl up on the sofa in front of the fire with a warming class of rich red wine ...dreaming of all things cosy.

Can you hear it....

Can you hear it?

Can you feel it?

Its on its way... soon you will have that giddy feeling in your tummy, the winter will take on a romantic slant, it will be all about cosy nights around the fire, quilts over the knees, twinkling lights, hot chocolate with marshmallows or rich warming mulled wine in the local pub after a walk over the moors, all with the soundtrack of carols and Christmas songs from many years each one bringing you memories of time gone by.
OH my word, yes I am feeling Christmassy, it just kinda snuck up on me, suddenly it was November a grey miserable month for me personally, it marks the end of outdoor play, time on the beach and just being outside. November holds some unpleasant memories for me. So one minute I was looking out of my kitchen window to my view over the hills, watching the clouds racing across the sky bringing with them so much rain, feeling sad inside and desperate for brighter days. The next minute I am in my sewing room, going through my Christmas craft books and sewing in red, white and green fabric... MAKING ME SMILE!!!
Today I started the Christmas baking, the rich warming smells of cinnamon and spice, the warmth from the cooker chases away the blues, and the Christmas cake finally gets started...
The fruits steeps in brandy,I treat my boys to Christmas ham for supper (Nigella's Ham in Coke) and of course all the baking calls for the thick, runny jewel coloured delights of syrup and treacle...
Oh yes the tasty treats of Christmas are just warming the heart of my home right now...
Happy Thanksgiving to those of you who celebrate it. I heard on the radio today a debate about the British adopting the day, it was described as Christmas without the stress of presents a day to count your blessings. I believe in our crafty blogging community we have the gift of counting our blessing anyway, but a day to think and share it with those we love, a day with food and tradition...yes Happy Thanksgiving.

A stitch in time...

First I just wanted to say a very HEARTFELT thanks for your wonderful comments and personal emails on my last post. I feel privileged to be part of this blogging community.I got an email asking me about the bunting on a previous post. So I thought I would share with you the sewing that has been going on here at the 'Suzie Sews Household" indeed my machine has been working quite hard and I am going through needles at a fair rate. Obviously Christmas is nearer than ever and I have been getting a little worked up about the lack of money in the bank and the amount of children to buy for. So I have thinking about the handmade pledge, so when I can retreat into my sewing room I DO at every opportunity.
Looking for fast but effective projects that hopefully will be received with knowledge that they have been made with love. From the choice of design, colour, fabric and how they are packaged.
So I have been making a little selection of child friendly goodies. I can show you this one as it was a birthday gift for a cutie, so no worries about giving the Christmas list away...
The bunting is made using a PLATE pattern, just the same as the bunting flags but using a small (or required size) plate as a template, just draw around half of the plate on the fold of the fabric. All held together with coordinating bias binding. The fabric envelope came from The lovely book - Patchwork Gifts.

Do you worry about your handmade gifts...I do, I know I can sew and the product is of an acceptable standard, I know the design is also acceptable, but when your giving handmade rather than selling it, you know if they buy it they want it. That little bit if insecurity that the recipient is smiling at you but actually thinking "OH NO, not another handmade gift" My insecurity comes from my Mom, she loves me but she does not get me. For years I always handmade her cards...one day it was mentioned that I did not think enough of my friends to go out and BUY a card. It was a harmless comment but it has made me question my gift giving. Now don't get me wrong, I have a couple of friends (yes that's you Kate and Caroline) who I know would actually be upset with me if I bought them a gift, so is it just me or is it just creative insecurity?

Forgive my indulgence here, my guys on the beach, I am so missing the beach, yes even in winter, on a cold blowy day, all wrapped up with your gum boots on, a warming mug of Hot Chocolate to warm up the hands... Yes time on the beach makes this Mommy a Happy Mommy!

Back to the sewing room...

Room with a view...

In Memory of my Dad

I know I am lucky, I awake every morning and as I pull back my bedroom curtain this is the view I am greeted with...

These hills and moorland bring me a strange comfort, each and every season offers up its own show of colour, the last month I have watched the moors turn from a rich, almost surreal green to a bleak and barren rust. The leaves in my garden have nearly all dropped now except for the evergreens, revealing more of the nearer hills. Yes these hills bring me comfort, this place I call home.

As I type, its early evening, the wind is howling around the house, the rain is lashing on my kitchen window, I have a pot of Earl Grey Tea and a little crochet project to hand, the babes are fast asleep and the house is quite allowing me to listen to the weather beating against my home.

Tonight I sit and think of my Dad, its five years since I sat by his bedside, his last night on earth. I find it hard to believe that the time has flown by and yet if I shut my eyes I am in his hospice room with him, a soft light glows in the corner of the room, the smells and the sound of the the comings and goings going on outside that little room...its carved into my memory, its so vivid. I lost my Dad to cancer over a period of six weeks he went from being a strong and creative man to a shell of himself, I watched his body fail him and painfully shut down, I had to listen hard as his speech slurred towards the end, I spent the night by his bedside, scared, unsure of my ability to care for his needs and praying for his peace. Its a night I reflect on with contrasting emotions.

I paced his room when he was conscious, I talked about the moon, a full moon on a clear night, knowing that he will never see such a sight again. As the night wore on and I curled up in the chair next to him, stirring at every movement and sound, we would make eye contact and through his pain he would 'wink' at me. Its a night I want forget, I don't want to, it was a privilege to have spent such a personal time with him.

The following day with his immediate family around his bed he passed away, he fought it all the way. Its the worst experience of my life, watching someone you love pass away. Watching someone you love go through more pain than you could imagine. Its also the most intimate experience, those hours with my Dad and the weeks before, when everyone had gone home I would sneak in and see my Dad on my own, we talked, we laughed we shared information about our lives that we never knew about. It was special. I feel blessed that I was able to say everything I wanted to, we argued over silly things, we laughed about previous upsets and silly things that go on within a family.

My Dad and I often rowed, not big rows we just disagreed a lot. It took his passing to see that my Dad and I were so similar. I type with sadness in my heart, however I also feel great affection, I remember the hours we spent talking about photography, he gave me his beloved camera whilst he went into hospital, I would take pictures and then take them into show him, he would tell me if they were good or bad, how I should have thought about the light, the background etc... he passed on something special to me, he gave me a gift above the materal. With every click of his camera it was as if his hand was over mine...'Do it like this Suzie' 'Look at the light Suzie' 'No No its all wrong' 'Perfect Suzie' I could hear him guide me. My Mom wanted the camera back after his passing as she also understood his love for his camera. I gave it up with a heavy heart. You now though, if I really listen, if I look at the moon when it shines in its fullness, I don't need his camera, his voice is all around...

I love you Dad, I miss you like nothing else, my boys are doing fabulously and oh how you would love them. Rest in peace and may you feel the wings of the angels around you. I love you.

Getting my groove back.... it must be near Christmas

I lost it there for a while, that need, every day having to make something, anything, as long as I made it with my hands... I have tinkered, its not been a passion more of a habit this past year. BUT... Its back, its been working its way back to me for a few weeks now and finally it 'HIT ME' at Autumn half term.
All those ideas and colours kept popping in my mind, no time, finding time has been difficult of late... but with a week without housework or appointments and the general stress of usual living on hold for a week, well I GOT MY GROOVE BACK.
The ideas flooded my mind so much so I pulled out my note book and drew and made notes of the ideas in my head, ready to put those ideas into reality...
There was a lot of playing, some failures and some successes. Most of all it was fun and made me smile... before I knew it those little piles of goodies started to grow. Little bits of silliness to brighten up a winters day.
I was asked to have a stand at a craft stall, the shock when I realised I had NO stock. To be fair this year, the run up to Christmas and the craft fairs will have to go without my little goodies, too much to juggle, transport, childcare and initial cost of the stand...all obstacles...

BUT its given me a nudge, no its given me a big push... to get my act together and start doing what I like, start making my stock a little healthier than just the odd corsage... yes my GROOVE IS BACK.

Autumn break catchup

So my gypsy travelling is now over for another year, I spend most of my Spring and Summer weekends heading out to the beach. With the last half term holiday of the year I headed out one last time to stand on a deserted beach, feel the sea breeze through my hair, take in the sights, sounds and smells of this special place, this place that makes me feel at peace with the world no matter what is going on in my life. Yes indeed, I have said it before and I will say it again, the beach is a special place for my the soul...
At this time of year it offers a place of solitude and empowerment, its vast expanse of sand and never ending sea makes me happy to be alive. So the children and I spent as much time as possible here, we set up camp near the sand dunes, a little camping stove to make a bowl of pasta and pesto to keep the chills away.
Whilst the babes played in the sand and ran their little legs off I snuggled up under a blanket and pulled out my yarn, yes many things have been knitted and hooked on the beach this year.
We stayed each day until the warmth from the sun dissipated and the light started to fade...
Of course time on the beach would not be complete without a paddle in the sea...
But it is Autumn break and this means lots of walks through woods, the simple pleasure of kicking up leaves and listening to the children giggle as they lose themselves in the piles of fallen leaves, collecting token gifts from the season, rich blood red leaves and acorn cups...
Yes the delights of the season we enjoyed to the full. It was a difficult time for me personally, this holiday marks the first anniversary to the devastating changes that have gone on in my life, this time last year my life was in a different place and I was indeed a different person, it fills my heart with sadness at the loss and pain. Then I look at the year I have been through and I gain strength through all I have achieved on my own, I am ME, if anything I am now a better ME as I am indeed happier. The people I spend time with now want to be with me, like me for who I am and allow my creative spirit to shine.
I am a Mom and my creativity is a huge part of who I am and why I mother the way I do. I have learnt a lot this year, I still have some learning to do. BUT... my children are the absolute centre of my world, the gift that they are fills me with awesomeness. Indeed my life my be different, with worries, uncertainty and instability BUT... it is filled with love, riches beyond the material world and full of existing opportunities...
When the going gets tough this family gets the paint out, finds a creative space and we do 'our thing' until our soul is settled again.
So the week drew to an end the leaves are now nearly all on the ground, the land is snuggling up under the earth to rest, ready to flourish and bloom again next spring...

I hope your week was filled with memories to warm you through the coming months, its that time when the nights draw in, getting cosy under quilts, watching movies, eating pop corn, red wine, deep baths with candles and fluffy white towels, flickering fires to warm your toes up on, beautiful wool yarn and creative evenings and wet weekends splashing in puddles...

Enjoy