Monday, 15 September 2008

Bag it all up...

Ah the sewing has begun... my sewing machine and I are back to working as a team. As a knitter and a sewer it always amazes me that sewing comes together so quickly... Once you know what your doing and the pieces are all cut your only a short while from having a finished project. After seven weeks of being away from my machine this was the perfect project to get me back into sewing...My bag for autumn. Predominantly brown but with some traces of green too. It is rather loosely based on the Amy Butler Swing bag, the one with the big floppy bow... as I am not one who likes rules and following direction I made some changes... first I made an Ipod pocket with a little removable loop to hold my ear plugs so they do not get all twisted and knotted together (very annoying)...
Then instead of the big floppy bow I added interest with a few corsages (courtesy of wise crafts tutorial) which gives me the option to remove one or two to add to a cardigan or jacket.
I am pleased with the general look and style of the bag, its big and roomy for all my 'Stuff' so I think this will carry me through the change of the seasons quite well.
The weekend got off to a poor start and has left me feeling like a cloud is following me, my motivation is slipping and trying to focus on day to day activity is getting increasingly harder. The first thing that goes with me when I am upset is my ability to sleep which is the last thing needed in being able to handle the current situation. What has coursed this BLIP? Well the time of year never helps, the children go back to school and I miss them so much, the change in the weather knocks me for six... this time though its more than that... My own Mom has fallen out with me. I try to keep personal stuff like this off my blog but I guess as my family do not read my blog, means that I will not be hurting any ones feelings. Since my kids came along I have a need to be around my family, we moved to be closer to my family. This proved to work the opposite way, my Mom and Dad had got used to us not being around so we actually saw less of them once we became within an hours drive away. Over the last few summers I have made requests for the children to be more of a focus to my parents. Sadly this never happened and whilst I know they love my kids very much it still hurts me immensely. So I do the best I can and this year we spent most of our time away, I asked my Mom if we could all stay over sometime but the invite never materialised. So when I get a call on Friday and I was asked by my Mom what I was doing this weekend? I told her rather excitedly that I was going to my sewing class... well I was shouted at for being self centered and generally not a very nice person, I remained calm, I pointed out that I had made various requested to see her and invited her to stay with us at our caravan, all of which got met with hostility and eventually the phone was put down on me. I am at a loss now, I feel sad, nothing I will do or say will be right, I know I need to swallow my pride and agree with all my Mom says about me and go and visit her with the children. I am also cross I let it upset me so much, my eyes are still sore from tears and I feel like a lead balloon moving through my day... I love my Mom very much and I find it hard to accept that she can be like this with me. I know I have faults too, we are so very different, but I still feel like a thirteen year old clumsy girl who gets it wrong all the time yet still constantly tries to seek her approval. OK enough personal stuff! This was to explain my glumness... I tried hard to have a good weekend, my sewing class was great and helped to lift me a little. On Sunday I took the boys into the city, first stop had to be Starbucks for my enormous mug of coffee and sugar fix.


Later an early supper (as we had got to the city rather late in the day) its a routine to us, our city trips. I like the security and comfort of a routine when I head to the city, I aways was a country girl at heart. So we headed off for our pizza, dough balls and of course a little bit of pasta...you can't go to an Italian restaurant without having a little morsel of pasta...
After this pudding was consumer (with speed) so with our energy tanks now filled to overflowing, we went to explore...
We walked through the city spending most of our time looking up... I tell the children to always look up when out and about as most of the interesting things to see are above you. We visited an art gallery which had an excellent interactive show on and I was rather taken with this simple mirror arrangement...what could be more scary than hundreds of 'Suzie Sews'? We returned home, overtired and in need of our beds...

Your still reading...I thank you, like I say I try not to put 'too' personal information in my blog, it is my happy place after all, sometimes though, life just gets in the way and its about who I am... it has a big effect on my creativity... I thank you for still being there...

17 comments:

ethel and edna's tearoom said...

aaah... 'girls' and their mums... I have a similar problem. A mum, that is!!
We have always been really close and live in the same small city, so we could visit every day. But since my dad died our relationship has changed sooo much. I was determined I was NOT going to become the centre of her world. I wanted her to get out there and make a life for herself. I just seem to be have become so intolerant of her. It makes me feel horrible but sometimes I can't help it. As you say, sometimes you just have to swallow your pride and make the first move, for the sake of the children if nothing else, but it is VERY hard and I can sympathise entirely.
DOn't worry. I'm sure things will get better. x

Sew Create It - Jane said...

I love that last picture...very artsy :o)

French Knots said...

It must be so hard to feel you are on a different wave length to your Mum. Sending virtual hugs xx

Lin said...

Big hug to you. xxx When things like that happen to me I find the best thing is to step away . Then I usually try and put myself in their shoes to try and understand ... it doesn't always work but there you go!

Diane said...

So sorry about you feeling down. Don't worry too much about your disagreement with your mom. Moms always love you no matter what, but sometimes they don't show it in the best way. You are a wonderful mom and maybe that makes your mom feel a little insecure or inadequate? Just guessing.

April said...

Big Hug to you Suzie - I know just how you feel - I have problems with my own Mum, we live 150 miles apart - which for me is just right but she is always trying to make me feel guilty for being so far away. It doesn't really help that she now won't go anywhere or do anything without her new partner so when I do see her - he is always there and I don't really like him! I put up with him because he makes her happy - I find it very hard to be with my mum for more than a couple of hours as it always seems to me that whatever i do is not good enough and she could so much better!!

hang in there sweetie, swallow your pride, but don't give too much of yourself away - she needs to respect your life and choices.

HUGS

April xx

Jane said...

Oh dear! been there and done that and got the t-shirt. Good luck Jane x

capello said...

i want your pants. and your dress. and your bag.

family relations are weird, i still feel like a little kid catering to my dad a lot of the time.

Things Hand Made said...

aaarrrggggghhhh that whole mother daughter things can be soooo difficult and leave you feeling c***. Sending a hug.

julie said...

Hi Suzie, so sorry to hear about the falling out with your mum. It's a funny old relationship mothers and daughters have - a kind of push / pull and never in a synchronised way it seems. I feel it with my own mum and with my daughter a bit at times too. I hope you find a path that feels right for you. By the way, I'm loving your new bag - great colours for autumn. Take care xxx

monkee maker said...

Sorry to read about the problems with your family. That old adage - you can choose your friends but you can't choose your family, is true!

I hope it works out ok with your Mum (these things always blow over, don't they?), with any luck she'll realise that she that needs to swallow her pride and approach you, not the other way round.

I love your city photos and your bag looks great.

:)

Kathi D said...

Oh, I am sorry about the situation with your mom. Has she always been like this or is this something recent? I ask because maybe there is some hormonal or other age-related thing going on to make her cranky?

Anyway. You have done all you can, so you have nothing to apologize for--you may have to let some time pass for this to blow over . . . You are a great mom, so at least you have a fulfilling mom relationship on the other side.

Alchamillamolly said...

Oh Suzy I am 52 and still end up in tears before I visit my Mam. I am overweight and she can make me shudder when she looks at me. My kids don't visit her and my Dad because they get criticised (they are 24,22,and 20!!) I end up in tears because I am trying on clothes and looking for something that will lose me about 5 stone before I get there. I get critisised if I don't phone them all the time (they are 82 and 81)and when I do they arent interested in what I have to say. They have always been generous if we have needed anything (Alan was unemployed for 18 mths at one time)but I don't feel comfortable with them anymore. My brother has recently remarried and they love near to them - his wife can do no wrong but then she is a soze 10 which in my Mams eyes is soooo important. I could go on forever! I have a very supportive husband and my kids are as well but I am nervous when I visit M&D - Why??? As they get older you let so many things go that they say becuase you say 'we won't say anything because they are old .............but it still hurts. I think that it is good to share your concerns on your blog its sort of anonymous isn't it and then you get comments and you relaise you arent alone in the world. Chin up and thanks for the comment on my sons hol. I am just so nervous that the airline they are booked with will go bust befroe they get there - he has worked so hard this year he needs a break from work so fingers crossed.

periwinkle said...

Oh dear, I'm sorry to hear you feel glum, families are strange aren't they.. it seems like sometimes you can't do right for doing wrong. I would just bite the bullet and go over, see how it goes, then at least you know in your heart that you tried. Lovely bag too. Keep smiling.
Lisa x

Kitty said...

Blimey - how long did it take you to make bags for ALL those Suzies? :-O

I can relate to some of what you say - even as adults we still feel disappointed when our parents aren't the sort of fairytale parents we all crave. But you don't have to blame yourself hun (((S))) ... surely your mum knew when the school holidays were? And that you make plans ahead of time and can't just drop them when she calls?

Just give yourself some time. Let some time pass, and see how you feel about it all then. I'm sure you'll make it up with her at some point - but your feelings matter too.

Take care. xxx

anne bebbington said...

The older and more experienced we become the more we expect our parents to be rational - sadly they are human too. Don't be made to feel guilty for taking a single day out for yourself - how were you to know that would be the exact day your mum would decide she could make room for you all. You do more for your kids than a lot of people I know (including myself) - appeasing the other end of the age spectrum is sometimes just too much to fit in. Ageing parents can be a real trial - children can be sanctioned in whatever way is chosen as suitable in your house - on the other hand you can't send an elderly mum to her room or ground her when she has a tantrum. Sending you (((hugs))) and lots of tea and sympathy :o)

burgundy primettes said...

Hi Suzie, it sounds like mothers are the same world wide when they start to Age. Mine always wanted to be the centre of attention and never liked being corrected or questioned. She died last year and l did keep trying, but now its over, l can relax and enjoy my 5 sons ! because l am a great mum! Sandra