Wednesday, 25 April 2007

Joy and sadness

I had no intention to post today, I kept the morning free to catch up on return emails and reply to some of the lovely comments I have had lately, as usual this somehow leads to reading more blogs than I should. There seems to be a run of awards for blogs at the moment, not very big here in the UK, but all the same quite a few. I am not a very competitive person, in fact I am that Mom who gets worked up at Sports Day, when you watch the child who comes in last, the sadness as their heart breaks as they realise just what has gone on, Oh I feel uncomfortable just thinking about it. So I am never going to be a big fan of these things. Maybe because there is no hope of me competing let alone winning, but WHY OH WHY...do they leave you feeling vulnerable...Anyway today was a day spending time with my little one, we played trains and all the usual things, then ventured into the garden, that sand pit was the best garden toy we have, hours of fun. So as I was not needed, Mom or sand pit...yep sand wins!!! I mowed and strimmed the lawns. Timing was perfect, as I finished my little one was ready for the next adventure. An afternoon snack was due, so we did a bit of baking together, Oh so kitch in our matching aprons! (Thanks Caroline, still loving our Christmas present) -A friend made them for us all and with our names on, who needs a Cath Kidston apron when you have your own? My little helper really enjoyed this little task, he got, well, stuck in, flour all over the kitchen, an uncontrollable giggling session set in when it was tossing time!
Nothing is better than eating it all up though, Oh Boy! Chocolate and Banana...Yum Yum. I was instructed to leave some so 'My Brother can have some too' just so cute...
So it was time for bed, I had managed to get some knitting done, nearly finished now, the first picture of knitting is the pattern picture, the second is mine, its all done from stash so the colour is not as bright as I really need to use up some of my stash. Bedtime was the usual mass of cuddles and giggles and a few 'calm down' comments from me. The phone rings and its my Mom. The call I have been expecting. My cousin, who has been in a hospice for over a week now, is VERY ill. Her being ill is nothing new, she is an inspiration, three years ago she was given three months to live, her cancer was in-operable, over the last year she has got worse, I want go into detail. I am finding it really hard to move freely at the moment, I am weighed down by this sadness.
I have such a mental image of what is happening in her room as I write. Some of you know, if you have been reading for a while, my Dad passed away over a year ago now, I stayed with him and we spent his last night together, it was the saddest and most emotional night of my life. I can feel the love in the room, the utter sadness of the moment and the anger that this disease stirs up. The irony of it...my cousin was so very close to my Dad, she asked only last week if he would look after her. I pray that she has peace in her heart.

So on that sad note I shall away, I worry this is too person a post, I appologise if it is and I hope that you will understand, most of us know someone or more than one person with this disease, my heart goes out to you.

I need to hold my children tight.

2 comments:

sarah said...

*HUG!*

You sound like you need one!

Jo said...

Sending you hugs and sympathy. We did the same with my Mum, all camped in her room for the last week supporting each other and her. It became more charged as the end drew nearer and is still seared onto my mind, it was 10 years ago last Friday.