Being Mom

Mommy...the word itself conjures up so much emotion, everyone of us has had or has a Mom, possibly even are a Mom, planning on being or simply just enjoying the gift of life our Moms gave to us.  Its that time here in the UK when we remember our Mommy's. For some it might be mothers not with us anymore so it might be a time of sadness, it could be a time of forgiveness or even anger.  For some it could be their fist Mothering Sunday as a Mommy themselves.  What ever your situation the word 'Mother' is a powerful word capable of stirring up immense feelings.  So as I wrap up my Mothers Day gifts and bake my Mom a cake I mull over the meaning of the world 'Mother' and all it means to me...
I have two Mommies and I am a Mommy to two fabulous (if not a little cheeky) children.  I am adopted, I have previously mentioned this before, usually around Mothering Sunday and my Birthday.  I am a lucky girl, I was adopted as a little baby.  However the emotions that I have carried around with me all my life have had a big impact on who I am and how I do things. Before I had my own children I was deeply sad about the fact that I was an unwanted child, I was angry and felt rejected and somewhat lost in life.  I am ashamed to say I took this out sometimes on my adopted Mommy, I always felt I was second choice, second best, better than nothing.  I went through my life seeking approval, it seemed important to be part of a group BUT somehow I never fitted in.
If I thought I would get rejected I would run away before someone had a chance to hurt me, I could not face the familiar feeling of rejection.  It sounds depressing and all rather pathetic. It changed, so completely when I became pregnant with my own child, as I felt my own baby move within me, a life I had created and I wanted with all my heart, a child no matter what, I could never give up.  It made me realise a very important fact...My birth Mommy gave me the greatest gift of all, she gave me my life, she set me free and placed me in the arms of a family that raised me and loved me, kept me warm, healthy and taught me to be a good person.  The anger turned into compassion and love, I no longer wanted or needed to do everything on my own I actually wanted to find this person and tell them how thankful I was for the the precious gift they selflessly gave to me.
As for my adopted Mom, my Mom, well we are not all perfect and we all do things differently, and the roles are starting to turn around now, its my turn to look after my Mom. We mother very differently, my Mom often disagrees with my ways and is not afraid to say so. I know she says all this out of love,  I am a little too kooky for her, a little too involved in my community and I am a little too affectionate for her to be completely comfortable around me. However when I remind her she raised me, she is who I learnt from, how she would sit in the evening and brush my hair for hours, she smiles at me, its a special smile a smile between a mother and a daughter who despite the fact that we do not share the same blood, we have a bond that ties us together. A life time of history between us.
Once I took all these facts on board, I realised that who I was and what I did was not the result of my past but a learning curve that will probably never stop. When I look at my children and think of how I mother, I too smile, I think life and its gifts are amazing. My children ground me, they love me without question, there is a look in their eyes a special something that tells me without doubt that they love me, they accept me for who I am, faults and failings included, a look that I have never seen in any ones eyes before.  It amazes me, it takes my breath away and I know these little people are MY CHILDREN.
So now I accept who I am, I do not feel a need to be involved or accepted, especially if it means I have to compromise on being 'me', I don't really care if I am a little kooky, a little different, because that is who I am.  I am a creative soul, I believe in what we put into our lives is what we get out of them, and this is the best thing I feel I can teach my children as a Mother.  Yes the rejection theory still stays me.  I know its an adoptive thing and it will  stay with me till my grave, but I do not run away now, I try not let it stop me in my life.  I have a beautiful family, I have two Mommies, I am loved.  Yes being a Mom conjures up so many emotions and I thank my Mommies with all my heart for all they have done for me.  As for my Mom I just want to say (even though she does not read my blog)  I LOVE YOU thank you for picking me............................................... So if you can make a Mom feel better this weekend, go right ahead and do it, you might be surprised how good it makes you feel.

Thank you for all the thoughtful birthday comments and emails, the children and I read each and every one of them and I thank you from my heart.  We had a beautiful fun filled few days with many happy memories, especially time shared on the beach.  (see last photograph). Thank you

Duvet Days....

Duvet days... yes I am all in favour of these, pull the covers over your head and ignore the fact that the world is turning and right outside the very heart of your home life carriers on... whilst you snuggle up and stay in your PJs all day...Yes... of late I have been a typical cancerian and retreated into my shell... is it the month? the grey winter days? is it my mood? is it that I seem to have lost my place in my own world? Possibly a mixture of them all, so when the littlest family member is poorly and he needs to stay at home and be looked after... Well I have peace in my heart and we hunker down for a day of cuddles, crafting and general niceness... Snuggling in our big bed, surrounded by all the things we like to do... quilts for keeping us cosy, teddies for company, books for reading, knitting for Mommy and of course some snacks to keep the hunger at bay...
To be fair eventually you have to get up so after some serious splashing around, its on with a fresh pair of PJs and down to the kitchen...
...various crafty goodness keeps us going for a happy hour or two... new pens in yummy colours, lots pictures to be turned into thank you cards from the children are made, even a little bit of youtube time whilst Mommy sorts out the next project...
A little sewing, bean bags (or in this case, adukie bags) a fun little project that even a five year old can do with supervision... little squares of fabric (any size) a little felt and some Mommy and babe time at the sewing machine...
As the illness seems to be hanging around and we are all generally a little under the weather, lots of healthy food is getting served to keep our vitamin c levels up... which all helps to keep us happy and playful...
Yes a nice day... a much needed day to reconnect with the very core of family life, just moving through the day slowly, peacefully and with love...
Yes I lost my groove and I am indeed working hard to regain it, as I take the odd peek into blogland I see I am not alone, I guess with all the outside influences it is actually a hard month for many, credit crunch, poor weather and coughs and colds... I personally feel I need to really spend some quality time with my babies and I have a half term to look forward to... I am already starting to put the craft box together so we can hunker down and spend quality time just chilling out, lots of outdoor walks, wellies on and of course camera in hand... just a few more days now and this month will be over.  I walked to school in the sunshine yesterday and for the first time in what seems like a life time ago, I felt the warmth from the sun, blueish skies and I heard bird song... not long to go now until the season changes...

The weather today is...

The weather today is...Cloudy with some sunny spells ending in a bright Autumnal evening...
Perfect weather for cooking up some of the autumnal offerings from the garden...a fruity curry as we return to the comfort foods of warmth and spice after all the fresh crispy salads of the summer...
The dark evenings are a time to settle down and finish off projects...(Front and back of the Jane Austin dress)
and to start on a fresh project (does it look familiar?)...
... whilst the children return to their indoor play and rediscover the much loved and treasured wooden train set that seem to find its way all over the house..."Please Mommy leave it out so we can play with it later"
Which means this track has taken over the living room, the hall, poked into my sewing room, the downstairs loo and is now heading towards the kitchen...CHOO CHOO!!!

My children love being outdoors and I always worry how they will cope when they have to stay indoors, after all you can only cope with being wet from the rain for so long...you know they always surprise me with their 'play' I am blessed that they love being in each others company and despite their age difference they manage to find a harmonious level at which to play together...long may it continue...

I wish you a fantastic, happy and healthy weekend...

In the bag...

Well its all over...the end of term is finally here...the presents got finished, the last minute PTA events got attended to and the goodbye service to the last class about to take the next big step in their world was filled with tears... So its here at last...the start of the summer holidays...filled with promise, promise of long summer days, eating ice cream and feeling the sand on our skins, BBQ's in the fresh air, camping and meeting up with friends and family...
Most of all, not looking at the clock, days and days of just going with the flow...time to chill, to read with my children, to take slow walks and eat pic-nics and lots craft activities...
Its the best time of year and the start of the holidays is by far the most exciting time...
So whilst I get into my summer groove I am going to be off line for a few days. I need to get into the flow of being free from living by the clock, to reconnect with my little family, to establish the ground rules and to get on with some serious 'making' time. So many things are planned for the summer, I have some goals I want to achieve with the children...learning to tie shoe laces, reading and improving writing, working on the joy of photography with my eldest child and lots of sewing and knitting for me...so please bear with me and I shall be back soon with all the news...Enjoy the summer and take time out to create...create a mess, learn something new or just simply follow your dreams...to me this is what summer is all about...

Photographs....1)teachers presents wrapped and ready for giving 2) Suzie Sews bags all complete especially made for each teacher with the fabric selected by the children 3) a close up 4) a little extra parcel for a little poppet, one of the teachers babes...

Peek a Boo mornings....

The sun is shinning and I was awoken this morning by a flurry of teddy bears... We greeted the outside with breakfast...Memories of my childhood, boiled egg and soldiers!!!
After applying the suncream and filling the pool up we got ready for a day in the garden...
My little corner of the garden is calling me for a little hand sewing whilst the children play...
I leave you with another sneaky peek of the back of my latest mini quilt...


I know its Mothers day in a lot of places around the world so if your a Mother in one of those places...I wish you a happy day with your babes what ever age they are as you never stop being a Mom once your a Mom!!!

Good News!!!

I am overwhelmed with the comments and the emails about our little hospital trip, I thank you from the heart and they gave me great support yesterday evening as I read them when I was unable to sleep. Sleep is the first thing to go when I am worried or upset about anything!!! So we all got up early in the morning, my littlest one went for a fun day with a much loved neighbour. I made up some sandwiches for my lunch and bundled a sleepy patient into the car. We then had to face a rough trip to the hospital through traffic and road works, I do not know why I thought it would be an easy run at 7.30am!!! Anyway we got to the hospital and straight away they checked my brave little soldier's temperature, they weighed him and started to go through the consent form, I reminded them that I need to talk to the consultant as I was querying a procedure they only mentioned at the pre operation assessment. Good timing as the consultant walked in, as we chatted my little one had his hands prepared for the butterfly needle (cannula) I watched as his nerves started to come to the surface. To cut along story short...the consultant and I made the decision to delay the operation until the start of the new school year to maximise on the outcome/benefits, he agreed that the extra procedure was not a priority and could be looked into next time. With relief my little brave guy was given some toast (after fasting) and had the medical 'stuff' removed and we where sent on our way with an appointment for later in the year...

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Both of us are now out of sorts, relieved, but after the build up we are both rather knocked for six. We tried to make the most of the day together, we visited an exhibition we both wanted to see...but every time I looked at him he looked so tired and generally he 'slumped'...very odd to see in a little guy who usually bounces around, we agreed we should just go home and have a snuggle on the sofa and go to bed early with a favourite story book...

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Well it was an adventure, not a good one, I am glad it all over for now and I really do thank you for all your kind words of support...Yes each and every one of them...THANK YOU!!!

So tomorrow we return to normal...Horrah!!!

To make a rustic heart....

To make a heart...you will need one thrifted felted sweater...one beautiful spring afternoon... Keep the children busy...

Cut up your sweater and start stitching freestyle! Watch out for the spring breeze, a couple of pebbles collected from rivers and beaches last year help to stop it all blowing away, especially the heart pattern designed by small people...
Relax and sip a refreshing drink in the spring sunlight whilst you stitch....
As the evening air brings a chill, bring in the little rascals and wash their muddy paws clean!
Settle down for a relaxed family supper with homemade pie...
After story time and the little ones are asleep, sew up the heart, add a label and string loop...stuff!!! One little rustic heart, a little nobbly and bobbly but with so much character holding in it the memories of the first warm day of the year...

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I am busy preparing for tomorrow, one of my babes is going into hospital for an operation, we will be staying in overnight and he will need some time off school, so I am not sure when I will be able to pop in to say hello, but it will be soon...Until then...take care

Happy Feet

Mommy, big boy and little boy shoes sit in a row...waiting for the rain to stop and the sunshine to come out to play...waiting just waiting and waiting.... You get the picture, the weather is wet and the sky is grey, cabin fever is taking over and the need for fresh air is now a Spring demand. Yes its cosy indoors, with the quilts on our knees or under our board games...the fire warms up the air and the popcorn seems to be permanently popping...BUT...oh how we long to play outside.
But happy feet we have and when they are as cute as these who can complain...leaving little foot prints after filling a bath, not for bathing purposes but for playing with our new boat...
Keeping the toes cosy is a must and this makes Mommy VERY HAPPY...my little poppet loves the socks I knitted him (see previous posts)...he pads around sleepily in the morning and curls up in bed with them on at night...Mmmm I really need to wash them there socks or they will not smell 'cute' for long!!!
As for me well I am pleased to report I am very much better, moving around now with ease and actually drove the car yesterday, a week from my op, what can I say, how amazing our bodies are at healing...

As for the crafting, well its slow and steady, knitting is getting done in the evening when the house is quite, bits and bods, sewing, badge making and drawing are getting picked up and down throughout the day by myself and my kids. The house is like a garden blooming with flowers in all shades, I have been so fortunate to have so many lovely bunches bought for me to cheer me up. I feel blessed with friends who have helped me with the children when I was still to sore to get up and about, for the meal that was delivered to long chatty phone calls with friends that live far away...The importance of friendship is a gift we should pass on to our children...

I promise some photographs of things being made or if your lucky...made!!! The light is so poor and I have to confess to enjoying just chilling out with the children whilst they are at home...

Have a great weekend and I hope the sun is shinning on you...

Memories are made of this...

So the reality of normality is with me again and that brief moment of time is locked away in my memory. Spending a last minute week away with my little family now feels a long way away and yet if I close my eyes I can imagine the wind blowing in my hair, the warmth of the fire that warmed us up and the fresh smell of a deserted beach. Yes it was a special week. So indulge me if you will a little walk through the memories, a little off the 'Suzie Sews' topic I know but, whilst no evidence of making was done the seeds of many ideas got planted and are just waiting to germinate... The cottage itself was so sweet, wooden floors and situated in the heart of Yorkshire surrounded by gently rolling hills, pretty floral furnishings gave it a homely feel, lots of animals, from the goats that lived at the bottom of the garden who would rush to fence as soon as we sat down to supper in the hope of a little tasty treat, to the many chickens roaming around leaving their little eggs of goodness for us and I must not forget the little bunnies that lived within the barns and would pop out when they thought no one was looking. Oh and the owls...yes the owls!!! I love owls but when they are screeching outside your window ALL night...well I might have to think again about how much I love them!!!
We had a few days with severe weather warnings so we would hunker down in front of the fire, read, play, draw or eat popcorn whilst watching a movie...the wind beating against the windows and howling through the fire place...cosy cosy cosy!!! When the weather improved we enjoyed a couple of outings...I have boys...what can I say - an inbuilt love of trains and you don't get much closer than this...We enjoyed a lovely trip through the hills and across stunning countryside and came away with the evocative smell of the steam engine on our clothes...
The funny thing was despite being on a farm we still went to visit a petting farm...as the schools are all open we had the place to ourselves and spent a few happy hours walking around, petting the babies-so much life truly does burst out at this time of year...calves, goats and lambs with the highlight of the trip being given a bottle each to feed the hungry little lambs, the children loved this treat...
As another storm blew in (landscape picture taken up the road from the cottage) we settled down for another night of poor weather...at least it kept the owls peaceful as they retreated to a less exposed place for the night...Then we awoke to the first of the two birthday DAYS...my children are born one day after the other (and a few years in between) We spent the morning in bed opening our pressies, eating Muffins for breakfast (with a candle in just to get the party feel going and of course singing Happy birthday...the first of many times) we had a swim and a birthday supper with a big cake and all my child's favourite party food. We even had our traditional birthday hat to wear...This is the part I shatter your illusions of my family, so many beautiful handmade crowns out there in blogland...what can I say...I meant to make them one each but resorted to a shop bought and rather cheesy white cake hat including ridiculously large candles on it...well its the thought matters....

When it was the second birthday day we had good weather, sadly my plans to hire a beach hut for the day fell through, not to be put off though we packed up the party people and hit the beach..the first visit of the year. If you have read my blog previously you will know that the beach and I...well we have a thing going!!! The beach is the place for me, I feel relaxed, happy and rejuvenated here so it was a big thing-the first visit of the year...to blow away the bleak winter moods and welcome in the birth of spring...Yep that's me in green...Scarborough Beach in Yorkshire on a dull but dry day...
What can I say...just fooling around...all the toys and fancy food of birthdays yet the highlight for all of us was walking along the beach with a piece of seaweed each...simple things for simple folk!!!
Making ripples...
and jumping the waves...
and you can not beat an ice cream on an English seaside with the wind blowing through your curls....

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Thank you for letting me share my memories...I have so many things running through my mind, lots of ideas and things to be finishing, I did manage lots of knitting whilst away and even finished a little bag, I have my Easter egg tree to put up tomorrow...so bare with me, the usual 'Suzie Sews' activities will resume soon, I am off for a little hospital stay on Thursday and depending on how I am feeling I will be back to share with you the delights of another swap, my bunny swap (See side bar for button) I came home to a great package from Kitty and I have finally broken into the package from Weirdbunny and started to decorate the house with all the goodies from that swap...

Rainy days!!!

After a week of the most amazing sunshine the weekend arrived...and with it the rain, I awoke in the morning to grey skies and that all to familiar pitter patter on the window. Of course it was the weekend, I should have known. So the plan of a weekend away in the camper was put on hold...again, as I mentioned in my last post we had hoped for it to clear and head off later that day, sadly the rain kept on coming!!! To add to this my youngest had a rather nasty virus. He had a temperature and spent the day curled up on which ever sofa was close to the action. This meant I had some one to one time with my older child, so we got the paints out. Now I have quite a few kits for the children, I buy then when I see them, usually at a cut down price and then squirrel them away until either a rainy day or I discover them and have to use them straight away! Often these are the things I put in the holiday craft box when we go away together. This is one such kit. Painting stones, they are the glass stones used in paper crafts, I remember using them in the late 90s when they first came popular, plain glass, flat bottom curved top, which gives a great magnifying effect.
Between us we made quite a few, all the time we where serenaded by the gentle snoring from the little one curled up on the sofa next to the kitchen table, man did he look sweet!!! So what to do with these little stones, well this was our solution, we made little jewel boxes, We stuck them down with gloppy clear drying glue which oozed out of the side, then sprinkled on little tiny craft beads to add to the jewel effect. Yep I am still crunching these little beads under foot they are about the same size of fine sand!!! Not a great picture, sorry guys!
A very satisfying project with a great end result, I think this always encourages children to do more when they have a practical object at the end of their playing. Although I love nothing more that paper and paint for no other reason than the 'right now'

With my younger one poorly the older one went to bed and the I had a bath with the little one, who suddenly rolled his eyes and went floppy, I managed to get him out of the bath and on to the bed. He fell asleep, whilst slightly alarmed I did not worry. UNTILL...once he had fallen in to a deep sleep his breathing was very irregular, I moved away due to his temperature and his cute little hand brushed across the bare skin of my shoulder. It was stone cold!!! I started to feel that panic feeling which I tried to over come with logic, which worked for about fifteen minutes, then I felt the need to take action. His temperature was through the roof, his hands and toes so cold. I need to point out that I very rarely take my children to the doctor and in fact when my youngest was a new born I did not take him to have his weight checked etc and have no idea what centile line he was on...he was growing and happy..I trusted my maternal instincts I am a believer that today's world actually rocks a mother confidence (I would like to say that my child did have his six week , three month and hearing tests). So this was quite serious for me to worry.

NHS help line was called, I have been a bit cynical of this help line, well I need to take it all back, how lucky we are in this country to have the NHS, they are fantastic, very calming and very thorough. After a very worrying hour, with their advise he did come through his temperature, in fact I watched it go down, I even managed to get him to drink some water. Oh boy! he looked so sad and helpless, lying there, it was like having a little tiny baby again, so vulnerable and yet as I watched his little body was fighting like made to rid itself of this nasty virus. How are amazing our children are, in the morning he awoke and got out of bed, woke up his brother and started running around. We have so much to learn from our children. I am keeping alert as I am sure he will dip at some stage through the day, the medicine is near him, but he is off enjoying the day. As for me...well I am tied and frazzled, but the important thing is we are over the worse. So we might not have got our weekend away, funny how these things go, how frantic would it have been if we had gone away and he had been so poorly.

So on that note I am off to enjoy the day, the rain has stopped and the sun is peeping through the clouds...the garden is calling...

Photos...1) the work table 2)the finished stones 3)the end result 4)my current WIP 5)making me happy, two different charity shops in two days resulting in two matching goodies, I am so loving this mug:0)

Scary thought...the latest news about foot and mouth, it is such a worry, our British country side suffered so much last time in so many ways.